Easterhappiness, sign of progress..

I`ve been thinking.. In may it will be two years since I had a taste of alcohol and two and a half years since drugs. I do exercise, yoga and meditation every day, but I som time wonder (dark times), what is the point and where is the progress? Then I looked at this picture from easterholiday with brother in law, daughter and older sister. 5 days of pure joy on my sisters cottage, crosscountry skiing, hours of board game and with no focus on my ego, drinking self who could ruin such beautiful moments before.

 

Even if some days are a little down, they could be a lot worse and when I look at this picture I am thinking; wow.. this is progress in every way.. enjoying the moments with the people I love. What else is there to search for.. påske

A wonderful morning and then..

Today I will describe something that often happens to me.. I have a set of morning rituals that lasts for hours. I live in a small place where there is no yogateacher (there is coming one now), but I have learnt my yoga/my morning yogarituals from Adrienne on youtube. Thank you Adrienne!! So; first I do my yoga rituals. Then I meditate.. I have learnt a lot from my mentors Monica and Karl Henrik from openheart (check out openheart.fi on internet), Leo Gura on you tube (I listen to all his stuff and think he is great). Anyway; my morningmeditation lasts for one hour and a half and is my own kind of meditation (a mix of what I have learnt from openheart and “do nothing meditation” i guess). And today, after my morningrituals I feel great!! I am filled with love towards everyone and feel in harmony and all that untill…. I open the door and see PEOPLE.. ahhhhh… they are coming towards me, want to talk to me.. they want to disturb my “love bubble”..suddenly all my love towards people has turned into irritation.. leave me alone!!!! So in the morning I feel like have understood everything.. when I meet people I realize I don`t understand anything.. what a enlightened human beeing I am..

 

Hmm.. anyway I am actually feeling good right now, I just wanted to get these thoughts down because they seem important in some way.. I have to find out what this is..

Lot`s of love

 

 

 

It`s time to start my blog

Hmm.. I will do this in english as well. I don`t know, but I might connect with someone worldwide and that`s a thought I like.. Well; It`s time to start my blog. I have waited enough.. Procrastination  (a word I like!! from latin’s “procrastinare”, that translates in to : the prefix pro-, ‘forward’, and suffix -crastinus, ’till next day’ from cras, ‘tomorrow’) is the avoidance of doing a task that needs to be accomplished. Sometimes, procrastination takes place until the “last minute” before a deadline. Procrastination can take hold on any aspect of life—putting off cleaning the stove, repairing a leaky roof, seeing a doctor or dentist, submitting a job report or academic assignment or broaching a stressful issue with a partner. Procrastination can lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy, depression and self-doubt. Wikipedia). What am I going to write about? the most important now is to write, to begin!! My thoughts will be transferred as directly as possible to my blog through my fingers, the keyboard and a whole lot of tecnology I don`t have the slightest idea of how is working. How the human mankind have managed to create all these machines, which bring me the hole world right in front of me by pushing on my keyboard, even talking to another person on the other side of the world, just holding a tiny thing to my ear, I will never understand!! You might explain the principles and everything, but honestly!! what the f… it is amazing!! such brains come from another planet then mine. As you understand; I will not write much about tecnology and gadgets in my blog.

This will be a kind of diary, but I guess the main theme will be selfdevelopment in different forms. This is not a sad story; but a journey from the days when my breakfast consisted of a needle with speed and subutex and my supper consisted of half a litre vodka (the meals rest of the day were a nice coctail of pills, hasj and a plate of spagetti with sausages), till where I am today where my breakfast consists of yoga/meditation and drugs and alcohol are deleted from the menu. A journey from beeing a sworn drugalcoholic/alcoholicdrugaddict till a super clean and sober dude. A travel from hights and low valleys, anxiety and bad self esteem to a stable existence, good psyche and therefor much better self esteem. I have seen how low I can get mentally and will now explore how much I can turn around these patterns in my brain. Is it possible to live a life without intoxication, with equanimety and pleasure? I have come quiet far, but it is a long way to go (and I guess it will never stop). I live in a small town in the north of Norway, so most of the yoga I get from youtube. Therefore if you have tips yoga or meditation wise (selfdevelopment), feel free to leave a comment.. Yes!! I have begun my blog.. another step has been taken..

 

På tide å begynne

På tide å begynne å skrive på bloggen min nå, da jeg har utsatt dette i lang tid.. “prokrastinering (et ord jeg liker); eller utsettelsesatferd betegner å utsette eller forsinke noe man har bestemt seg for å gjøre. Utsettelsen gjøres selv om personen vet at dette er uheldig. Av denne grunn har prokastinering noe irrasjonelt over seg” Wikipedia. Hva skal jeg skrive om? det viktigste nå, er å skrive, ellers kommer jeg aldri igang. Min tankevirksomhet blir derfor så direkte som mulig overført til bloggen gjennom fingrene og tastaturet og en hel masse teknologi jeg ikke har den villeste ide om hvordan fungerer. Hvordan mennesker har klart å frembringe alle disse maskinene, som ved tasterykk gjør at jeg får hele verden opp foran meg, om så prate med noen på andre siden av kloden ved å holde en dings til øret, er meg komplett uforståelig og vil alltid være det. Noen kan forklare meg prinsippene og alt det der, men likevel.. ærlig talt.. i helvete!!! det er utrolig.. sånne hjerner kunne like gjerne vært fra en annen planet enn min. Bloggen min vil altså ikke omhandle teknologi i noen særlig stor grad, men temaet dukket overraskende nok opp innledningsvis..

Ja, hva skal bloggen handle om. Det blir en slags dagbok, men hovedtema vil være selvutvikling. Dette er ingen trist historie, men en reise fra de dagene frokosten besto av en sprøyte med amfetamin og subutex og kveldsmaten besto av en halv liter vodka (og måltidene resten av dagen besto av en fin coctail av diverse piller, hasj og en tallerken spagetti med pølser) til der jeg er i dag hvor frokosten består av yoga/meditasjon og hvor drogas og alkohol er slettet totalt fra menyen. En reise fra å være en svoren alkonarkoman/narkoalkoholiker, til å bli en supernykterist. En reise fra store høyder/lave daler, nervekjør og dertil dårlig selvbilde til en stabil tilværelse med god psyke og dertil bedre selvbilde. Jeg vet hvor langt ned jeg kan komme mentalt. Jeg vil nå utforske hvor mye jeg kan snu av disse mønstrene i hjernen min og om det er mulig å få et liv uten rus, med sinnsro og velbehag.. Jeg har allerede kommet langt og nå har jeg skrevet mitt første innlegg (er det riktig betegnelse? innlegg?).. da er jeg igang..